August 12, 2009
When Is It Time To Take The Car Keys Away From Your Elderly Parents - From Comfort Keepers, A Caregiving Non Medical Healthy Aging Agency Supporting At Home Services In Wallingford CT
By Carol Carbutti
One of the hardest things an adult child will ever say to a senior parent is “Mom, it is time to give up the car keys”. So choosing the right time to tell your elderly parents may save their lives. But not dealing with this situation could have tragic consequences.
So, what do you do and when? Taking the keys away the first time your aging parent accidentally scrapes the side of the car on the garage? When she clips another vehicle as she pulls into a parking space at a restaurant? After she’s been ticketed by police for speeding through a school zone?
Many of our elderly are able to operate a car safely into their 80s and beyond. Most senior citizens will voluntarily adjust their driving habits when they realize that cataracts are affecting their night vision, for example. But what about those retirees who no longer show this kind of discernment?
According to the National Motorists Association, the primary cause of serious accidents involving elderly drivers is diseases which effect cognitive abilities like memory, judgment and understanding. Diseases like Alzheimer’s account for the majority of accidents caused by elderly drivers.
Before you act all family, friends and caregivers should pay close attention to your aging parents memory, health and judgment before jumping to your worst-case scenario. There are some factors Comfort Keepers of Wallingford, CT use in evaluating your loved one’s fitness to drive:
Are your senior parents driving habits being affected by a short-term emotional disturbance, such as the death of a spouse or friend, a change in circumstances or absentmindedness brought on by stress? If so, suggest to your elder parent that perhaps they should let someone else do the driving for awhile, until things settle down.
Is there a chronic pattern of traffic violations such as running stoplights, speeding or damage to other vehicles? If so, your loved one is becoming a dangerous driver. It’s time to confront your senior parents.
Comfort Keepers points out that according to statistics on driving and the elderly, older retired drivers are more likely to be involved in multiple-vehicle accidents than younger drivers, including teenagers. The elderly are also more likely to be issued traffic citations for failing to yield, turning improperly and running red lights and stop signs — all indicators
of decreased driving ability.
Statistics also suggest that a retiree 65 years or older is more likely to be severely injured in an accident and more likely to die than a younger person in the same circumstances. Fatal crashes rise sharply after a senior turns 70.
As you evaluate your aging parents driving skills, take into account the following conditions — and if remedial driver’s training might help:
Do your aging parents have loss of hearing acuity. Does your elderly parent react to honking horns, screeching tires, emergency sirens? If not, have him/her tested for
hearing loss. Also, insist on refresher driving classes designed specifically for the deaf and senior citizens.
Loss of visual acuity can effect how your elder parents see the road. Contrast sensitivity (the ability to detect sharp borders and lighting changes) can make it difficult to see
road dividers and other road markings. It can also make night driving or driving on extremely bright days very difficult. Have your senior parents eyes checked and fitted for tinted lenses or a visor. Limit driving to times when vision is least likely to be impaired.
If your aging loved ones have chronic diseases and physical impairments like arthritis, muscle degeneration, Parkinson’s or other physical limitations they may need classes for disabled drivers. They can work with their range of motion and check to see how they respond to an emergency situation.
Your elderly parents medications can have serious side-effects. Senior citizens may become drowsy, have watery eyes and slowed motor skills. Talk to your loved one’s physician about which meds may affect driving skills, as well as the correct way to take them (i.e., how do they interact?).
Knowing precisely when it’s time to ask your elder mom or dad to surrender their driving privileges is not an exact science. It’s also traumatizing for the caregiving son or daughter and potentially devastating to the senior parents.
For most seniors, driving a car represents mobility, freedom. To take their keys away brings on beginning of social isolation and total dependence on other family caregivers to meet physical and transportation needs. It’s a chilling thought for any aging adult — and men may be especially affected.
Before discussing the decision to suspend an elder parents driving privileges, do some research. Locate agencies that provide transportation for seniors. Depending on where you live, there may be city buses or trains convenient to where your loved one lives. Provide him or her with maps and information on bus schedules, taxi fares, etc., then be prepared to volunteer to ride with her a couple of times till she feels comfortable with these new ways of getting around.
Resolve to talk to your elderly loved one reasonably and respectfully about options — not condescendingly, as to a child.
Here at Comfort Keepers we believe we should introduce the subject gently: “Mom, I’ve noticed that you are having a hard time making out the lines on the road and you
sometimes cross into oncoming traffic … would you say that’s true?” then, “Mom, you’ve had a lot of near-misses on the road and I’m afraid you may get hurt — or accidentally hurt somebody else … We all love you, and we want you to be with us for a long time, so I
think it’s time we looked at other options for transportation. Do you understand?”
You’ll likely have to state it very clearly: “Mom, I’ll need to ask you for your car keys.”
There may be tears, protest, anger. But as one who cares and sees the situation objectively, you are responsible for ensuring the safety of your senior parent – and other people on the road. If you don’t, the consequences could be far worse than the temporary pain of having to take away a set of car keys.
The flip side of this decision is that you as the caregiving son or daughter may also be required to adjust your schedule in order to accommodate the transportation needs of your elderly parent or arrange for these services.
In short, not only is your senior parents lifestyle going to change radically, yours will, too. It’s now your responsibility to ensure he/she gets to the grocery store, arrives on time for doctor’s appointments and is able to pick up important prescriptions. If close relatives live in the vicinity, you may enlist their help.
As we and our senior parents age, our roles also change — sometimes subtly, sometimes in ways that turn our lives upside down. Remember there are people out there to help you. You can contact a home care agency or elder care consultant.
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